Back in Amarillo and the temperatures are climbing well into the 80’s today. Adrift without a good direction for my afternoon, I resolved to experience a bit of true Route 66 debauchery at The Big Texan Steak Ranch. I followed the signs and a 20-foot tall cowboy encouraging bad decisions into the parking lot of a unique old Americana landmark.
From the outside the theme appears to be Roy Rogers but don’t let first impressions fool you, there’s a wide range of oddities making it more along the lines of a wacky Wall Drug-esque tourist trap (except this one has really good steak).
Don’t forget to say hello to this…umm…dinosaur in boots climbing some cone-shaped things…yeah I don’t know but kids probably like it.
Full bar inside with a long menu but it’s a little bit early in the day for that party to get started. Not pictured here but there is also a large outdoor area for big gatherings, would be a heck of a place for say a biker rally by the looks of things.
Pappy’s penny machine and a Zoltar fortune teller. The gypsy didn’t make me grow up, nor did he dissuade me from bad life choices a la mass consumption. Don’t forget a cruise through the gift shop and maybe some ice cream before you hop back on the interstate.
OK time to get back to the main focus: steak. A sign at the entrance chronicles the exploits of competitive eating champion Molly Schuyler consuming three entire 72-oz steak challenges in 20 minutes. Just for context the original challenge is one steak in 60 minutes. Unbelievable.
If you manage to win, the daily champions are kept on the wall. 10,400 and counting and the most recent few did it just under the hour limit.
The main arena has an impressive Western ambiance. Wood floors, elk and steers on the wall, big chairs, and a raised platform at the front near the grill for combatants of the gastro-gauntlet.
Reality sinks in when you sign away your safety on the waiver form. No turning back now, put on your game face! Two things I wish I would have known beforehand: one, the knives are incredibly dull and you spend forever cutting, I can’t recall if you can bring your own knife but consider if they allow it. Second, rare or medium rare is possibly a disadvantage; get it medium to make chewing easier.
Here it is, the 72-oz (4.5 lbs) of top sirloin, salad, shrimp cocktail, dinner roll, and baked potato (or side of choice, mine was mac n cheese because I’m not a big potato guy). Free drink too in a plastic cowboy boot cup.
First cut into the steak is not timed so you can check how it’s cooked. I got medium rare which tasted good but again a bit more cook would have dissolved those fibers making chewing a touch easier. Rookie mistakes. Flavor is excellent so I don’t mind.
Here is about what I could manage to eat, I’d say it’s about half but hard to say for sure. Somewhere between 40-50%. Too much chewing and cutting with that dull butter knife, my jaw and hand were more tired than my stomach. I didn’t really plan to come here so I did eat breakfast a few hours earlier, had I not made that fatal mistake it may have been attainable. But seriously the knife is extremely dull. I did end up eating all the sides so there is something to be said for that.
I’d like to thank the fine degenerates on my favorite truck website for introducing this idea to me. There is a forum thread with a link to the restaurant’s live webcam broadcasting all challengers, and members watch it for a good laugh. It’s a pretty entertaining spectacle, I once saw a woman in a kangaroo costume eating the full steak with her bare hands, can’t say I’ve seen that before. I coordinated with some forum members and got a few screenshots of my failure, just one below to prove it was me.
10/10 true silliness and worth the experience. Would do it again, the steak is darn good anyways. Don’t eat breakfast. I now have 2+ lbs of leftovers to eat at my campsite which isn’t a bad consolation prize. Yeehaw!
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